3x19 - Super(stitious) Girl

We see an exterior view of the S.S. Tipton, hearing Moseby's voice over an intercom.

MOSEBY (V/O)

Attention, students! We have now docked in Hawaii, home of sugarcane, pineapple and your cruise director's favorite, Kona Coffee.

***

Hannah and Lola's dorm on the ship. Hannah is pacing around while Lola searches through piles of clothes.

HANNAH

Unbelievable. We're stuck on this stupid boat for five days and now we can't leave this stupid boat because you can't find your stupid lipgloss!

LOLA

It is not stupid! It has SBF thirty, the healing power of aloe, and it tastes like coconut! I like coconut.

HANNAH

Here's just an idea. We just docked in Hawaii. Buy a coconut!

LOLA

Oh, like you never forget anything.

HANNAH

I don't, I'm a professional. I have a check list. (indicates to each part of her body as she speaks) Wig, got it. Single pink glove, got it. Mama's lucky anklet...don't got it! (feels around her boots) Where's my lucky anklet?

LOLA

Oh, well, maybe little Miss Professional forgot to put it on because she was to busy insulting her friend, oh sweet justice!

HANNAH

Lily! It's gotta be in here someplace. And I'm not going to stop searching until I...

LOLA

Found it!

HANNAH

Lily, you're a lifesaver.

Hannah walks over to her, in hope that it is the anklet, but sees Lola rubbing on the lipgloss.

LOLA

Oh, you thought I meant the anklet. Mmm...coconut goodness.

HANNAH

Lily, you know my Mom gave me that anklet, we 'gotta find it!

LOLA

Right, sorry. I'm on it.

The two of them start looking for the anklet.

HANNAH

It's like a lucky charm. Like she's right there on stage with me.

There is a knock from the door.

MOSEBY (V/O)

Moseby, here.

HANNAH

Oh, argh, come in!

Moseby enters.

MOSEBY

Oh, Miss Montana, I just cleared the hallway and the helicopter is waiting to take you to your rehearsal.

HANNAH

Thank you, Mr. Moseby, just give me a few minutes.

MOSEBY

A few minutes? No, no, no, no. I hate to rush you, but the wind from the helicopter is wreaking havoc on the Senior Citizens hula dancing class. Brass skirts are flying everywhere, it's not pretty. (Moseby exits)

HANNAH

Lily, we have to find it.

LOLA

Look, I know it's important to you, but we'll find it when we get back.

HANNAH

(as the two of them start for the door) I know, it just doesn't feel right not having it on.

LOLA

(as the two exit) Miley, it's 'gonna be OK, it's just a rehearsal, nothing bad is going to happen.

***

Cuts to Lola and Hannah entering their dorm, after the rehearsal.

HANNAH

That was the worst rehearsal ever!

LOLA

It wasn't that terrible.

HANNAH

The lighting guy booed.

LOLA

Maybe he was calling over to the sound guy, whose name happened to be Boo. You know, like, (impersonating voice) "Hey, Boo! Boo!"

HANNAH

Well unless Boo's last name is "You Stink", don't think so. Lily, come on, let's face it, everything went wrong because I don't have my Mom's anklet.

LOLA

OK, first, we know that the anklet's in this room, so we're going to find it.

HANNAH

Maybe it's in the bathroom. (runs into bathroom)

LOLA

Yeah, and second, the rehearsal probably went bad because you knew you didn't have the anklet and so you were nervous. I mean, it's not like it has magical powers and now you're doomed to a life of terrible things happening.

Moseby's voice sounds over the intercom.

MOSEBY (V/O)

Attention, passengers! A student's pet rat has managed to escape, if you happen to see him, please dial nine for housekeeping.

Hannah's scream is heard echoing from the bathroom.

LOLA

Is he big?

Hannah comes out of the bathroom, cross-eyed trying to look up at the rat sitting on her head.

HANNAH

You tell me.

***

"HANNAH MONTANA"

***

LOLA

Miley, we've searched everywhere and all we've found is rat footprints my makeup. So gross, and yet so cute.

HANNAH (V/O)

Well it's not in the drain.

Hannah comes out of the bathroom holding a shred of hair.

HANNAH [CONT'D]

But I think Hagrid had this room before us. (drops hair shred) The anklet has got to be in here someplace. See, I was doing my toenails last night, and it was on. And, I walked over here to get a drink of water but somebody had already drank them all. Because it's free, it's free! Glug, glug, glug!

By now Hannah is over at the table beside the entrance door, Lola joining her -

LOLA

My mom says hydrated skin is happy skin.

HANNAH

Thanks to you, my skin wouldn't know. Glug, glug girl. See, and then, I went over to my Dad's room to get some water, and I remember because I had to do my freshly-painted toenail walk. (walks across the room in an odd fashion, Lola follows) Then, I got a bottle from him and I came right back here. So, I never even left the room. (Lola glares at her) Whoa. Not having my Mom's anklet not only makes me unlucky, but it makes me...

LOLA

Dumb? Stupid? Idiotic?

HANNAH

I was gonna say forgetful!

LOLA

Yeah, that was my next one.

Hannah and Lola exit through the door, and as they enter the corridor they bump into a housekeeping maid, who will later come to be known as Lidia.

HANNAH

Hi, um...I'm really sorry about the room, I'm kind of a...restless sleeper.

As Hannah and Lola run off, the maid walks into their room and examines the mess.

LIDIA

It's like Mick Jagger all over again.

***

Robby is asleep, upside down on his bed in the dorm.

ROBBY

Oh man. Oh man!

Hannah and Lola run in.

HANNAH

Dad!

ROBBY

(beginning to sit up) Oh, Oh, I'm ready, time to get to that rehearsal.

HANNAH

Daddy. The rehearsal was an hour ago.

ROBBY

Was I there?

Lola lips 'whoa' as she walks into the corner of the room.

HANNAH

Dad, um, have you seen Mom's anklet?

ROBBY

Honey, I'm so seasick I can't see the insides of my eyelids. (Hannah begins to search his room) "Let's take a cruise, daddy. It'll be fine". Oh sweet niblets, here it comes!

Robby jumps up and leans his head through the porthole.

HANNAH

It's not in my room, so it has to be in here.

Hannah walks over to Lola, who is stashing away a bottle of water in her handbag.

HANNAH [CONT'D]

Lily! Can you please help me, I've got to find it before something else bad happens!

Hannah reaches under the bed, and as she pulls her arm back up the shirt fabric rips apart.

HANNAH [CONT'D]

Oh, come on!

LOLA

Alright. Well, argh...on the plus side, now it matches that whole one glove thing you're doing.

HANNAH

(fake, swings her arm) Super!

ROBBY

(cuts to porthole) Hey, honey, did you check your socks?

HANNAH

(cuts back to room) That's it! I slept in my socks last night. I bet it came off in one of my socks. Dad, thank you! (jumps on bed and goes to hug him)

ROBBY

Oh!

HANNAH

Oh...if he didn't smell so funky, I'd kiss you.

Hannah jumps off the bed and goes out the door, Lola following.

***

Checking to see the coast is clear, Hannah and Lola skip through the corridor singing.

HANNAH

It's in my socks!

LOLA

In the sheets!

HANNAH

In a pile!

LOLA

On the floor!

HANNAH

Once I get it on again...

LOLA

No more bad luck any...

As the two of them open the door, they find that the room has been cleaned perfectly neat.

HANNAH

Oh, come on!

***

At the Stewart living room - Oliver and Jackson are slouched on the couch.

OLIVER

You know, I didn't know why you didn't want to go to Hawaii, but now I get it! This...is paradise!

JACKSON

Tell me about it. I haven't washed a dish in five days!

OLIVER

Sweet!

JACKSON

And I haven't eaten a sensible meal in three!

OLIVER

Oh, man.

JACKSON

And the best part is, haven't held in la gas since they left!

OLIVER

Yeah...(waves his nostrils) That one I figured out on my own.

The doorbell rings.

JACKSON

One second! (grabs a basketball)

OLIVER

Oh, can I do it?

JACKSON

Be my guest. (hands it to Oliver)

OLIVER

Yeah!

Oliver shoots the ball into a hoop hanging above them, which then leads the ball down a series of objects which push the door open.

JACKSON

Oh, yeah!

OLIVER

It never gets old.

Jackson clears way for the delivery man, who is carting in a large box.

DELIVERY MAN

Let me guess, guys. Parents outta' town?

JACKSON

Oh yeah!

DELIVERY MAN

So cool. (hands Jackson clipboard) Sign here. 'Scuse me. I'll just drop this bad boy right here.

JACKSON

Yeah, that's perfect.

DELIVERY MAN

Alright.

JACKSON

Thanks, man.

DELIVERY MAN

It's cool. (exit)

OLIVER

Thanks, man. (he and Jackson approach box) Whoa! Dude, your Dad ordered something from that Schlummarker Hummaeker cool stuff catalogue!

JACKSON

I love that catalogue! Massage chairs...life-size robots, personal submarines!

OLIVER

Oh, you know and it has the best digital meat thermometer in the world! (Jackson stares) What? It takes the guess work out of grilling!

Jackson dials in his father's number and raises his mobile to his ears.

JACKSON

Hey, Dad! You got a package from Schlummarker Hummaeker, I'm going to open it, OK? (pause; whiny voice upon resume) Well, why not!

Cuts to Robby in his dorm lying on the bed.

ROBBY

'Cause I'm the one who ordered it, and I want to be the one to open it!

Cuts back to Jackson - Oliver is leaning on Jackson's shoulders.

JACKSON

It's a robot, isn't it?

OLIVER

It's a robot!

Cuts back to Robby.

ROBBY

Jackson, I'm not playing guessing games. That package better be sealed when I get home.

JACKSON

(cuts back to Jackson) OK, fine. (hangs up phone)

Jackson and Oliver glare at the box.

Cuts to later, when Jackson and Oliver are sitting by the box. Jackson is heating the seal with an iron.

OLIVER

Jackson, what about what your Dad said?

JACKSON

What? He said he wanted it sealed when he gets home! Well, it will be. (continues ironing)

***

The S.S. Tipton - one of the maids chucks a bed cloth in one of the two laundry carts. As she goes, Hannah's head pops up.

HANNAH

Nothing! What about you?

Lola's head pops up in the cart beside Hannah's.

LOLA

Yeah, me neither. But I did find seventy-five cents and half an eaten raspberry almond pillow chocolate.

HANNAH

How do you know it's raspberry almond?

LOLA

Lucky guess. (she and Hannah pop back down in their carts)

A housekeeping maid, Lidia, is handing over to Moseby Miley's anklet, nearby the cart where they are hiding.

MOSEBY

Argh, yes. Thank you Lidia, I will put this anklet in the lost and found. And, as a reward for your sharp eyes, the S.S. Tipton is proud to present you with a...(hands chocolate over) ...raspberry almond pillow chocolate! Eat it with pride. But on your own time.

London Tipton runs over and spots the anklet.

LONDON

Oh! Pretty, sparkly, shiny! Gimme, gimme, gimme! (reaches for the anklet)

LIDIA

I'm sorry, Miss Tipton, I didn't find that in your room. I found it in a passengers sock.

LONDON

Hello! My boat, my passengers, my shiny thing! Thank you!

London takes the anklet from Moseby. Lidia files away, and Moseby follows after London.

MOSEBY

London!

LONDON

Oh, alright. Look, I'll just hold it for safe keeping 'til the owner shows with a receipt and two forms of ID. (thunder is heard) Ewgh! It looks like a storm is coming. Moseby, make it go away.

MOSEBY

Oh, of course. As soon as I put an iron on that patch in the ozone layer!

Moseby walks inside, London follows him.

LONDON

Hello, I thought we talked about this! Me first, humanity second!

Moseby grunts as he walks away. London examines the anklet.

LONDON [CONT'D]

D R E A M. Who's Dr Eam?

Lola and Hannah, covered by their jacket hoods, peek over at London in discretion.

LOLA

Hannah, look! London's got your anklet!

HANNAH

Yes!

LOLA

Hey, and she's got great skin, you know she must drink a lot of water...

HANNAH

(cutting Lola off) Who cares! Now keep your head down. The last thing we need is to be recognized.

As Hannah and Lola secretly make their way over to London, the elevator beeps, and Zack Martin steps out.

ZACK

Hey, Hannah --- !

Hannah instantly grabs Zack's mouth and drags him down beneath the reception counter.

HANNAH

Sorry. But I cannot be mobbed right now.

ZACK

I get it, I get it. You want to spend a little one on one time with Zack-Donald. Here a kiss, there a kiss, every-where a kiss, kiss.

LOLA

(whispering to Hannah) It's the other one that's got the girlfriend, right?

HANNAH

For her sake, I hope so.

ZACK

So. What's say I go check out the dessert buffet and bring us back a little strawberry shortcake? See? See what I did there?

HANNAH

Zack...you always leave me speechless.

ZACK

Well I do have that affect on the ladies. So, I'll be right back, and don't worry - (whispers to Hannah) I'll bring back a little dessert for Highlighter head.

As Zack jumps up, Lola is left with her jaw-opened.

LOLA

You know, I am starting to miss those five days we were stuck in our room.

***

Out on the deck, while a storm thunders, London is leaning over the boat examining the anklet.

LONDON

Hmmm...it looks like gold. But just to be sure...

London bites the anklet, after looking to make sure nobody sees.

LONDON [CONT'D]

Mmm! Eighteen carrot (gagging), with a hint of sock fuzzies!

Hannah and Lola approach London.

HANNAH

London. (takes off her hood) Hi.

LONDON

Hannah! I knew it. You've thought about it, and finally realized that "Yay Me" theme song is your next number one hit! (dancing around, singing) London Tipton's really great, really great, really great!

HANNAH

(to Lola) What is in the water on this boat?

LOLA

I don't know, but I hope there's a cure, I must of had like sixty bottles!

HANNAH

London. (drags London back) That's my anklet.

LONDON

No, it's called, "Yay me!" My anklet would be a stupid title, since I never say it in the song. (laughter)

Hannah and Lola turn to each other and mime "Whoa" at each other.

HANNAH

Yeah, um, London. What I meant was...(slowly) that anklet...

LONDON

Mm-hm?

HANNAH

(holding hand out) Belongs to me.

LONDON

Fine. I'll need to see a receipt and two forms of ID.

HANNAH

London, I don't have a receipt! My mom gave that to me before my very first concert. And, I've worn it every show. (pause) It's my most special possession...(pause) The diamonds are fake!

LONDON

Ewgh!

In reaction, London's arm flings the anklet off the boat and into the water.

HANNAH

(glaring over edge) No!

LONDON

What are you so upset about? I'm the one who had to touch it!

London walks away, as Hannah and Lola look over the edge in sadness.

***

With London gone, Hannah and Lola are now looking over the edge by themselves. The thunder continues to sound in the background.

LOLA

Are you OK?

HANNAH
No, now there is nothing I can do about it. (slowly begins to snuggle with Lola) Unless you're willing to dive in.

LOLA
Miley, it's gonna be like sixty feet.

HANNAH
Right, Right! (starts to snuggle again) You won't have to give me anything for my birthday.

LOLA
(apologetically) Miley...

HANNAH
Ever...

LOLA
(annoyed) Miley!

HANNAH
Fine!

LOLA
I'm really sorry.

HANNAH
Thank you.

The two of them share a friendship hug.

LOLA
You know...we should probably get in, it looks like that storm is getting closer. (turns)

HANNAH
Who cares? What can a stupid storm do to me now?

As Hannah turns, a gust of wind suddenly blows her wig off.

HANNAH [CONT'D]

OK seriously... (pointing upwards) COME ON!

She puts on her hood and walks in trying not to be recognized. As she walks in, Zack approaches them.

ZACK
They were out of strawberry shortcake but...I got pudding! (he has a giant heart made out of chocolate pudding on his shirt)

HANNAH
Sorry, but...I don't like chocolate.

ZACK
Oh, no worries...(points to each pocket correspondingly)I got vanilla in this pocket, tapioka in this pocket and napkins in the back.

He laughs to himself, as Lola and Hannah run away. Zack turns around to see they have gone.

ZACK [CONT'D]
Where did you go?

***

Cuts back to Hannah and Lola's dorm - Hannah is on the bed with one of Lola's blue wigs on. Lola is examining her. Hannah is looking at herself in a hand mirror.

LOLA
Yeah...yeah, I'm thinking it could work.

HANNAH
In what world? Let's face it Lily, ever since I lost my Mom's anklet nothing's gone right. It's like I'm not even meant to do the concert.

LOLA
(sits beside Hannah on the bed) Oh, look I know how tough this has been on you and that's why I'm telling you this as your best friend...(shouting) YOU'RE HANNAH MONTANA! (Hannah flinches) SNAP OUT OF IT. YOU NEVER LET YOUR FANS DOWN AND YOU ARE NOT GONNA DO IT NOW. THAT WIG HAS GOT TO GET OFF SOMEDAY SISTER AND THAT DAY IS TODAY. IT'S TIME FOR MILEY STEWART TO SHOW THIS WORLD WHAT SHE'S GOT. LET'S ROCK THIS ISLAND PARADISE, WHOA!

Lola runs out of the cabin a crazed hurry, Hannah staring bizarrely. Seconds later Lola returns.

LOLA [CONT'D]
(now relaxed) Or I could just get some hair dye?

HANNAH
I'm gonna go with the hair dye. But I did like the speech.

LOLA
You don't have to do it.

HANNAH
Lily!

LOLA
(sighing, as she exits) I'll go get the dye.

Hannah looks at herself in the mirror again.

***

Back at the Stewart's - Jackson is still ironing the seal from the box. Jackson's hair is a ball of sweat and Oliver's is a crazy afro.

JACKSON

Stupid steam, it's not doing anything!

OLIVER

(laughing) Are you kidding? Dude, look at your hair.

JACKSON

I wouldn't talk, Napoleon Dynamite!

OLIVER

(feeling and looking up at his hair) Oh, man!

JACKSON

(stands) Dude, this isn't working! I was hoping I wouldn't have to resort to this, but - I think we need a professional.

Jackson and Oliver glare at the box again - before it cuts to Rico feeling the box with his stethoscope. The three of them are seated around the box at it's position in the living room.

RICO

Mmmm....

JACKSON / OLIVER

Mmmm....

RICO

Argh....

JACKSON / OLIVER

Argh...

Rico moves the stethoscope along.

RICO

Argh!!

JACKSON / OLIVER

Argh!!

JACKSON

So you think you can do it?

RICO

Blind folded in my sleep with my tongue! But my price, unlike your combined IQ's, is high.

JACKSON

How much?

RICO

If it's a big robot I get to play with it first!

JACKSON

(as Oliver grunts) Deal!

OLIVER

(jumps on top of box) But you promised that if it was a robot I could play with it first!

JACKSON

Do you want it open or not?

OLIVER

(pauses; nervously) I want it open...

Oliver jumps off the box as Rico begins to examine the box again. Rico flicks it with his hand several times.

JACKSON

This better be one of those "wait for it" moments.

Rico eyes the box closely, as it suddenly bursts open. Oliver and Jackson jump back in surprise.

OLIVER

Whoa! What a call.

JACKSON

What is it?

OLIVER

Well it's not a robot...

All this while a continuos beep has been sounding from the box.

JACKSON

What's that beeping?

The beeping starts to get more fast-paced. They step back as a giant shadow forms over them...cuts to later, where we see a giant jumping castle in the living room. Jackson's phone begins to ring, but the three of them are squashed against the front door in the wrath of the jumping castle.

JACKSON

Can either of you guys reach my phone?

OLIVER / RICO

No!

JACKSON

Fine. I think I can hit the speaker button. (he hits the door) Ow! Hello?

Cuts to Robby - lying on the bed in his cabin.

ROBBY

Hey! How's it going?

Cuts back to Malibu.

JACKSON / RICO / OLIVER

Good, good, good!

Cuts back to Robby.

ROBBY

So, are you guys pinned against the floor or smushed up against the window?

Cuts back to Malibu.

JACKSON / RICO / OLIVER

The window...

Cuts back to Robby.

ROBBY

Argh huh...so, Jackson, next time I get a package, what are you going to do?

Cuts back to Malibu.

JACKSON

Not open it?

Cuts back to Robby.

ROBBY

That's my boy! (pause) Hey, don't worry about it.

Cuts back to Malibu, where Robby's voice is heard over the phone.

ROBBY [CONT'D] (V/O)

The deflate button is right there beside the ... (crackling)

JACKSON

Dad! Dad!

Cuts back to Robby, who is making the sound effects of crackling. He laughs, as he hears the whining voices of Jackson, Oliver and Rico. He hangs up on them.

ROBBY

That's the most fun I've had this whole darn cruise! (his stomach rumbles) Oh.

Cuts back to Malibu.

JACKSON

No!

OLIVER

We're never going to get out of here!

RICO

Wait, I think I can pop it with my fingernail!

JACKSON

Yeah, give it the fingernail!

Rico reaches behind, and an exterior view of the Stewart house is seen, as a loud pop is heard in the background echo.

***

In Miley and Lily's cabin, Miley is seated on a chair with a towel over her head. Lily is still guised as Lola, as her phone rings, but she rejects it.

MILEY

Argh, thank you! That was the longest fifteen minutes ever!

LOLA

Fifteen? I thought you said the dye stays on for fifty!

Miley runs over to mirror on the entrance door to the bathroom, and rips off the towel to see that she has green hair. She screams in shock.

MILEY

Oh, no!

LOLA

Maybe it'll dry blonde?

MILEY

And then what, fall out? Lily, how many more signs do I need?

The mirror falls off the wall, and cracks as it lands. Miley cramps on Lola.

MILEY [CONT'D]

I had to ask!

Out in the corridor, Cody Martin is walking towards Hannah's room with Bailey Pickett. He is holding a bunch of roses.

BAILEY

I mean, Cody, are you really sure we should bother her before the concert?

CODY

Please, Bailey - we already have tickets and backstage passes (gestures at the roses), and these puppies will get us into some really cool after party.

Hannah's door open and she comes out, with her hood covering her head.

CODY [CONT'D]

Hey, Hannah, babe. (hands out the roses) A little thank you for those concert tickets.

HANNAH

(sadly) There is no concert. I'm sorry.

She walks away sadly, Cody calls after her.

CODY

What!! Is this going to affect the after-party? (Hannah is gone, Cody turns to Bailey) OK, Bailey, I know how disappointed you are...

BAILEY

No, no I'm not. I mean, sure, it's a little like the year everyone forgot my birthday, and I was so sad I went and slept in the barn, and two goats started eating my hair. (now hysterical) But I'm not disappointed.

A mess of tears, Bailey runs off. Cody runs after her.

***

Out on the deck, Hannah is looking over the edge sadly. The storm is still brewing, as Robby approaches. Hannah's head is still covered with her hood.

ROBBY

Hey, bud.

HANNAH

Dad, I can't do the concert.

ROBBY

Yeah, I know. Lily told me about your Momma's anklet.

HANNAH

Ever since I lost it, nothing's gone right. I had the worst rehearsal ever. I missed steps, I sang flat, forgot words...

ROBBY

Now, honey, that stuff happens to ever rock star.

HANNAH

Oh really? Did every rock star end up with a torn up hotel room, a broken mirror and... (pulls off her hood) ...green hair? And a rat on their head?

ROBBY

That would be considered a slow on the (???)

HANNAH

Dad, I don't get it. Just...without mom up there on stage with me...I'm 'gonna blow it.

ROBBY

I know what you mean. I used to worry about that same thing, raising you kids without her. But I did it. You know how? 'Cause she was with me every step of the way. (pats his heart) Right in here. Anklet or no anklet, it's the same thing for you. (pats Miley's heart) She's with you. Right there.

HANNAH

You really think so?

ROBBY

I know so! Who do you think always reminded me to bring the back up wig?

From his pocket, he brings out a blonde wig. As Hannah takes the wig, the sun shines over. Robby embraces his daughter.

ROBBY [CONT'D]

Ha. Look at that. Turning out to be a beautiful day for a concert in Hawaii.

***

Hannah, now fully dressed, dances excitedly down the corridor.

***

Hannah runs into the lobby area of the ship, to see Cody and Bailey.

HANNAH

Hey! What are you guys sitting around here for? Don't you have tickets to my concert? And the after party! Let's go!

Hannah skips out, as Bailey and Cody jump up.

BAILEY

Yes! Oh my gosh, Cody, did you do this?

CODY

Bailey, look. If this relationship doesn't have honesty, it doesn't have anything. Yes, yes I did!

They link arms and skip out.

***

At the concert in Hawaii, Hannah jumps out onto the stage.

HANNAH

Let's rock, Hawaii!

She begins to perform "It's all Right Here"

***

A blooper reel for the episode shows as the closing credits roll underneath.

***

Hannah Montana © Walt Disney. No infringement intended.