DANCERS
Go Hannah go Hannah! Go Hannah go Hannah!
Hannah high fives at dancer Brian to take her spot - he does some moves in the centre.
DANCERS
Go Brian! Go Brian! Go Brian! Go Brian!
Lola pushes him aside and does some moves of her own; much to the dislike of the others in the room.
LOLA
Step off Brian because he comes Lola! Gonna make you look like a caffeinated cola! Yeah ... like Lola G... like ... (she notices they aren't wooing her) killing the mood ...
Hannah drags her away.
HANNAH / LOLA
Bye Lola! Bye Lola! Bye Lola!
Hannah's choreographer Tina walks in signaling for the DJ to cut the music.
TINA
Hey guys! Whoa sorry I'm late. I got into a tug of war with my dog over my sports bra.
Tina tries to drag her sports bra from her bag and they all see that the dog is attached to it.
LOLA
Oh ...
TINA
He won.
HANNAH
Ohhh! Adorable. Well while our famous choreographer was having a tug with the pug some of us were working hard.
LOLA
Yeah while you was with the hound we was getting down on the ground with the sound! (Tina and Hannah give her a look) Oh I thought we were still rhyming.
TINA
(to Hannah) So guess who you're falling at the grammies?
HANNAH
Just don't say Chris Brown and I'm good. (Tina looks guilty) Choreographer who says everything by saying nothing at all say what?
TINA
Don't freak OK. I got some ideas that are going to make Mr. Brown turn greener than a leprechaun logie! (she begins walking in style) Yeah you ready OK! You wanna see it? (walks into middle of room)
HANNAH
Yeah.
TINA
Alright. Hit it! (she dances around)
HANNAH
(applauding) I love it!
TINA
Come on let's try it.
HANNAH
Here we go ready!
TINA
Start down here.
Following a count off the two of them leap up into movement. As the routine finishes the two high five each other.
LOLA
Hey Tina I think somebody found a new chew toy.
Lola is referring to Tina's dog barking and chewing on the curtain.
TINA
Oh no! Bad dog!
HANNAH
Alright guys lets try a slide. Five six seven eight ...
As Hannah slides along she accidently bumps into Tina - who falls out the window.
TINA
Argh!
HANNAH
Tina!
LOLA
Oh no that's not good!
HANNAH
Tina! Are you alright!
TINA
(whining) Nooo!
HANNAH
Just ... just walk it off? OK ... crawling works to. Oh no! (they race out of the building)
***
OPENING CREDITS
starring MILEY CYRUS
EMILY OSMENT
MITCHELL MUSSO
JASON EARLES
MOISES ARIAS
and BILLY-RAY CYRUS
"HANNAH MONTANA"
***
At the Stewart household Robby is speaking on the phone in the living room with Tina; while Miley is pacing around behind him.
ROBBY
OK Tina. Well you get well soon. Oh so you have a unicorn flying around your room? I'm sure it's very pretty. Yeah. Oikey Dokey now. Alright you take care. Buh-bye. (he hangs up) Well the bad news is she's going to be out for about six months. Good news is ... she's got a unicorn.
MILEY
OK. This is OK. Just a little bump in the road. Sure she's ... in a full body cast ... but we can strap her up to those little luggage cart thingies and roll her right into rehearsals and everything would be O ...
ROBBY
Mile ... she's in-capacitated.
MILEY
Oh well let's just drive past capacitated and get her.
ROBBY
Good lord Miley I know you're desperate but this is Los Angeles there's a million choreographers out there. We'll find the right one.
MILEY
Oh yeah. Just because someone's to lazy to drive to capacitated! (Miley walks off up the stairs)
ROBBY
[as she is gone] I have got to get that girl a dictionary.
***
Outside Rico's Shack, Joannie and Oliver are doing a series of exercises. Oliver is sweating, while Joannie seems to be normal.
JOANNIE
And three! And two! And one!
They stand and stop excersing.
OLIVER
That's it? I barely broke a sweat.
JOANNIE
My little iron man!
OLIVER
We are going to kick but in the triathlon next month!
JOANNIE
We're going to dominate ... and enielate. Argh!! (the two growl at each other) I gotta go to the girls room.
OLIVER
OK I'll miss you.
As Joannie goes into the toilet, Oliver backs over to a seat around the counter at Rico's Shack and places his head on the counter. Jackson is on duty.
OLIVER
She's killing me!
JACKSON
Look out dude, she's back!
OLIVER
Feel the burn! (he loses balance on his seat and falls over; Jackson turns to a gaggle of girls behind them. Jackson was being sarcastic about Joannie's return)
JACKSON
People falling over ... always funny!
Oliver gets himself back up on the seat and rests his head on the counter.
OLIVER
You know I'd hate you but I just don't have the energy.
Jackson pushes the serviette holder underneath Oliver's head on the counter.
OLIVER
I have to end this. But if I break up with her, she'll break up every bone in my body.
JACKSON
Dude, you want my advice? Walk right up to her and tell her it's over. That's how to be a man.
A racket is heard from behind them and they turn to see that Joannie has harshly kicked open the toilet door.
JOANNIE
Stupid sticking door, arghhh!
JACKSON
... A dead man. But still a man.
Oliver goes to rest his head on the serviette holder again but Jackson pulls it away, shrugging.
***
Back at the dance studio, Robby and Hannah are sitting through auditions for the new choreographer Hannah requires. A choreographer of cultural differences starts hopping around as he speaks in a foregoing accent.
CHOREOGRAPHER
And then ... I saw Hannah doing this!
HANNAH
(softly) Next.
***
This time Hannah and Robby stare in disgust at a middle aged woman leaning off the chair in a super woman outfit mocking Hannah's super-girl song.
CHOREOGRAPHER 1
I'm super cool I'm super hot, I'm the girl you like a lot, I'm super, super girl!
ROBBY
I'm super super scared.
HANNAH
Next!
***
HANNAH
Dad! What am I going to do. The grammies are in two weeks and I still don't have a choreographer.
ROBBY
You know that super, super gal had some interesting ...
HANNAH
Dad!
At that moment, an African-American choreographer, Sean Nanah enters and wows Hannah and Robby with some break dancing moves. He takes off his hat and presents himself to them.
SEAN
Whoa!
HANNAH
Now 'zat' is what I am talking about. Nice to meet you, Mr ...
SEAN
Nanah. But you can call me Sean.
ROBBY
Your name is Sean Nanah?
SEAN
No. Nanah. From my nana's side. Nana Nina Nanah.
ROBBY
Maybe it's not to late to drive to capicitated.
Hannah opens Sean's resume and is amazed by what she reads.
HANNAH
Oh my gosh! You've choreographed for N'sync, Madonna and MC Hammer?
SEAN
Oh yeah, yeah. This. (does a dance move) Mine. This (does another move) Mine. Ah, hammer time, (does a dance move) not mine. But I like doing it.
HANNAH
You're Hired!
ROBBY
Now hold up their little missy. Listen. This is a big decision. You might want to ask him a bit more questions.
HANNAH
You're right. (to Sean) Hey so I've noticed you haven't been working for a few years. What you been doing?
SEAN
Ar, taking some little time off for myself. Mask fishing, horseback riding ... and touring the countryside and searching for the perfect peach pie.
ROBBY
You're hired!
HANNAH
What!
ROBBY
(pushes Hannah aside) Now tell me about hunting that pie.
***
Oliver comes running up from the beach to meet Jackson at Rico's Shack.
OLIVER
Jackson! Jackson. Listen. I figured it out. If I dump Joannie she kills me. But if she dumps me I stay alive. Problem is how do I make myself so horribly unattractive that she'd want to do that I mean come on! Look at me.
JACKSON
Alright. OK ... argh ... OK first I would just ar ... (Jackson indicates for Oliver to wave his hair back in a bizarre fashion) I suppose you could just ... with the ... (Oliver plays around with his face) Dude I'm sorry but if this hasn't driven her away then nothing will.
OLIVER
Jackson.
JACKSON
Alright look there's only one way to get rid of someone who's wacko enough to love all this. Let's go.
The two run off.
***
Later on that night Oliver and Jackson walk up from the beach to the area outside Rico's Shack. Oliver is dressed up in a bizarre foil outfit.
OLIVER
Do you really think that this is gonna work?
JACKSON
(???) We're dealing with the girl who blew off a door faster than Uncle Earl at the (???) County Burieto Fest. (he wiggles his stomach)
JOANNIE [Off screen calling] (V/O)
Oliver honey!
JACKSON
Quick give me your wallet!
OLIVER
Why?
JACKSON
Just in case you, you know don't make it. (calling) Over here Joannie!
Jackson flees off as Joannie walks up.
OLIVER
Jackson ...
JOANNIE
Ar ... Oliver?
OLIVER
Sshh! (embraces Joannie) I'm calling the mother-ship. (makes a siren noise with his lips) I know. I'm strange. Terribly undateable strange. I don't blame you if you want to break up with me.
JOANNIE
I could never do that. If you ... believe in aliens than I will to.
OLIVER
(fake) Oh that is so wonderfully ... unexpected.
JOANNIE
Well come on honey let's call them together.
OLIVER
OK.
JOANNIE
OK.
The two of them make the siren noise with their mouthes again.
***
At the dance studio Hannah's dancers are dancing away while she hammers in wood against the window to prevent anyone from falling out again.
HANNAH
Hey! You guys are going to love Sean. And this way I don't have to buy another sorry I shoved you out the window muffin basket. (she hammers a quick rhythm into the wood) Yeah that should get her done.
LOLA
(referring to the dance steps) Hey that was really cool how you guys did that what was that ... (as she shuttles back she trips over something) Feel free to use that if you want. (walks over to Hannah) So um where is Sean anyway?
HANNAH
Oh probably with Daddy. They've been guy bonding all weekend. Fishing and dogging. Right now they're probably riding motorcycles or something.
Just then Robby and Sean come riding in the studio both chasing each other on electric scooters.
ROBBY
Yeah doggies!
HANNAH
I did say or something.
SEAN
Oh man! I'll get you next time Double R.
ROBBY
Yeah in your dreams hotshot. (he and Sean high five each other)
SEAN
(turns to dancers) Well good-morning all. My name is Sean Nanah and I cannot wait to work with you all. It's going to be great!
HANNAH
(to Lola) Did you see that? Jazz hands!
ROBBY
Have fun bud!
HANNAH
Thanks Daddy!
ROBBY
I wasn't talking to you I was talking to Sean but you have fun to!
HANNAH
Daddy look. I'm real happy for you and your new bud but I'm just saying the whole scootering and matching helmets thing ... not really going to help the girlfriend situation.
ROBBY
Oh come on Darl you know I haven't had a good friend since Tennessee and it's just so much dang fun! Hey Seanster don't forget tonight Ribs ... and pie!
Robby scooters out.
SEAN
OK! I think we're ready to begin.
Lola walks over to Hannah as Sean speaks.
LOLA
Look's like you're dad's having another bro-mance.
HANNAH
Yeah but he deserves it and it's great he has someone as great as Sean.
SEAN
(shouting) WHO IS TALKING!
HANNAH
(nervously) Me ... I was just telling Lola that I think that ...
SEAN
Think that the world revolves around Hannah? Well guess what diva! When I'm working it's all about me-va!
DANCER 1
Yes!
DANCER 2
I don't think he's talking about you Meva.
LOLA
(as Sean turns away) I thought you said he was nice.
HANNAH
He was. Sean! I need to talk to you about ...
SEAN
Argh argh argh argh argh. First of all when we're in rehearsals' its Mr. Nanah. And second of all ... (turns to Lola) what are you?
LOLA
Oh I'm just a friend. Not a dancer.
SEAN
Oh. Well in that case ... stand in the corner!
LOLA
(sadly; walks to corner) OK ... (she walks to the corner and faces him)
SEAN
Other way!
LOLA
Eeep!
HANNAH
Sean! You've got to be kidding we always have fun in my rehearsals.
SEAN
You're rehearsals?
HANNAH
(corrects herself) Our rehearsals? (Sean looks at her) Mr. Nanah's rehearsals!
SEAN
Yeah. Alright now dancers! Drop and give me twenty!
They drop to the floor and do as he says.
DANCER 3
(to Hannah) You're right. I love him.
SEAN
Who's talking!
HANNAH
It was all him!
***
At the Community Hospital Hannah Montana is visiting Tina.
HANNAH
You know what. I was really expecting the worst but after seeing all the progress you've made that just shows what dancing and eating right will do for you!
But Tina is attached to a full body cast on the bed.
HANNAH
So! What do you say we get you on your feet and onto the dance studio! Come on! (Hannah tugs at Tina's arm)
TINA
(resisting) Let .. go ... of ... me.
HANNAH
I can't work with him. He's breaking my spirit.
TINA
Ohhh. Poor baby.
A nurse enters.
NURSE
Miss Montana I'm afraid you're going to have to leave.
HANNAH
But she wants to go with me.
Tina shakes her head worriedly at the nurse miming 'no' but Hannah covers her mouth.
NURSE
Please! You're upsetting our patient.
HANNAH
Have you seen you're eyeshadow? Honey you're upsetting the patient.
NURSE
Hahaha. That's it. You're out of here.
The nurse begins to drag Hannah out.
HANNAH
Oh sure. But I'm sure it's all 'shake it off' Hannah from one little one story drop and you quit! Disappointed in you! Very disappointed in you Tina! (as the nurse violently slams the door) Whoa!
***
Hannah is sitting on the couch in the Stewart living room on the phone to Lily.
HANNAH
Lily. You cannot believe how selfish Tina is. It was like she didn't even care what was going on in my life she was all ... "argh!" "I'm in pain" "I can't feel my toes" "amahamaha". Some friend. You know what I'm just going to have to fire Sean. You know he's only known Dad for like one weekend how close can they be?
Sean and Robby step in.
ROBBY
This man just saved my life!
HANNAH
(still on phone) Oh come on! I'm going to have to call you back. (hangs up phone as Robby takes a seat on the couch beside Hannah) What happen?
SEAN
Oh it wasn't that much Double R.
ROBBY
Wasn't that much! We were jogging in the hills and I got bit by a rattlesnake. This man sucked the poison from my leg and carried me piggy backed all the way to the scooters! I'm telling you I would never be able to repay him. There's no way.
HANNAH
No way?
SEAN
Oh will you stop! Your friendship is payment enough.
ROBBY
You got it! Friends forever! (they high five each other)
SEAN
Absolutely Double R! (as he walks out) You are never getting rid of me! (he walks out)
HANNAH
Never?
ROBBY
Oh look at that. My baby girl is so happy for me she's crying!
Robby hugs his daughter who now appears to be in a state of tears.
ROBBY
(patting her on the back) Let it out darling! Let it out!
HANNAH
(whines)
ROBBY
Boy you really are happy!
***
At Rico's Shack Joannie and Oliver are sitting on the fence in foil suits looking up at the sky.
OLIVER
I think it's them! (some bird droppings plop down on Oliver's head) It was just a seagull.
JOANNIE
Oliver I'm getting kind of hot. Do you think we could take this off for a while?
OLIVER
No! No! No! No! How are they supposed to tell us apart from the other Earthlings? You can't take that suit off. EVER!
JOANNIE
OK .... Good to know. I'll be right back ... (she steps off the fence and she and Oliver echo back at each-other the siren noise from the previous night. Joannie walks over to Jackson who is behind the counter at Rico's Shack) Jackson I've got to break up with Oliver.
JACKSON
Nooo! But why!
JOANNIE
We started out a cute couple ... and now I look like the world's largest 'to-go' container. But how do I do it without hurting him?
JACKSON
Joannie. Sometimes things like this happen in this crazy mixed up world. But somehow ... I think he's going to be OK. (pats Joannie on the shoulder) Ow! That's hot.
Joannie looks over and sees Oliver's suit simmering with steam.
OLIVER
I smell something burning. Oh it's just me. (realizes) It's just me! (he snatches a soda from somebody passing by and pours it down his back. Joannie walks back over)
JOANNIE
Oliver I have to tell you something.
OLIVER
(gets off fence) No Joannie. I have to tell you something. I don't want to go out with you anymore.
JOANNIE
Wait. You're breaking up with me?
OLIVER
Yes. Yes I am. And I know I have to pay for it so ... just do what you have to do. I can take it.
JOANNIE
Oliver ...
OLIVER
(covers his face) Just not the face!
JOANNIE
Oliver!
OLIVER
OK Fine. I'll do it for you.
He lets go of the fence and falls down onto the sand dunes. Back at the counter Jackson turns to a boy of his age sitting behind the counter.
JACKSON
I should probably say something.
JOANNIE
Oliver come back up here!
Oliver climbs his way back up.
OLIVER
So you can finish me off! I'm not that stupid. (Oliver jumps back down again taking a leap of faith)
JACKSON
After one more fall.
As Oliver makes his way up again he falls back down in tiredness.
JACKSON
Two times.
***
Hannah is dragging Lola into the dance studio.
LOLA
Miley please! Can't I just wait in the parking lot? The big bald dancer man scares me.
HANNAH
No! I cannot face him without you.
LOLA
Try facing the corner for two hours! People write things on the wall. Bad things.
HANNAH
Lola.
LOLA
OK I wrote them! But I was bored!
Pushing Lola in front of her the two of them enter the dance studio to meet the group of Hannah's dancers rehearsing.
HANNAH
Hey guys! Good news!
DANCER 1
You fired Sean!
HANNAH
Better! I bought us a ... (opens box) Cinnamon ring! (the dancers stare at her) Cinnamon ring! OK Look. (she chucks the cinnamon ring in the rubbish bin) I can't fire Sean OK. He saved my father's life.
DANCERS
Big deal.
DANCER 1
Who cares!
HANNAH
I do! I love my dad and he likes this guy. And if all we have to do is suck it up then that's what we're going to do.
DANCER 1
Meva not happy! Meva going to tell Sean exactly how we feel.
LOLA
Yeah, way to go Meva!
Sean walks in.
SEAN
Playtime's over dancers!
DANCER 1
Sean! (Sean gives her a deathly stare) ... I love the shirt!
LOLA
(to Dancer 1) I'm writing things on the wall about you! (turns to Sean who gives her a look) I know I'm going.
Sadly she turns and walks over into the corner.
SEAN
Last night I had a vision. The perfect grammy dance. It's unique it's inspired ... it's Nanah.
HANNAH
Well whatever it is I'm sure it's going to be brilliant! Right guys!
The group (including Lola) give a fake cheer of approval.
***
Hannah attached to strings like a puppet is being moved around a red carpet set up with the dancers moving around her. Sean is controlling her with the control switches on the table while Hannah's hit "Super Girl" is playing.
HANNAH
You know what I can't see! Why I'm on strings. The song is called Super-Girl so why am I a puppet?
SEAN
Fine I'll go through it 'again'. Now while you may be a 'Super-Girl' you're forced to be what other people expect you to be. You're a puppet on a string! And until you break free you will never be in control of your own life!
DANCER 1
Duh!
HANNAH
Well shouldn't there be a part where I break free? Like now!
SEAN
Hmmm ... ar no!
The two of them walk back to the controls table.
HANNAH
Come on! I've always had some say in my own routines.
SEAN
Yeah and you know what I say to that? Step back girl! (he flicks a switch and the strings pull Hannah back to the red carpet)
HANNAH
(Struggling) This isn't funny!
SEAN
Oh really! How about now! (he flicks some switches and forces Hannah into doing some bizarre moves)
HANNAH
Would you please stop this!
SEAN
OK how about this!
He flicks at some more switches and the strings position Hannah so she can wave her hands like a chicken.
HANNAH
Real mature!
SEAN
But wasn't this the give and take you were looking for?
HANNAH
OK listen here mister! Sure you're a great choreographer but it's time someone said 'no no Nanah'! And you know what you may be my daddy's best friend but he would be the first one to tell me that I don't have to put up with ... (Sean pulls some switches and the strings push Hannah's elbow against her mouth)
SEAN
OK good! You're through!
HANNAH (Breaks free)
Listen! If I can't put some of me in my moves then I might as well just be a puppet on a string! (Sean pulls some buttons and Hannah is forced into hugging herself)
SEAN
Man I wish I could fire you! But since I can't ... Meva you're fired! (Meva runs out crying) Now we're going to run this again from the top!
Hannah makes her way over to the corner breaking free of the strings.
HANNAH
Lola get the control box!
LOLA
Do I have to?
HANNAH
Lola!
Lola sneaks up behind Sean and snatches the control box.
LOLA
You'll never take this alive! (runs over to window) OK this would've worked if somebody hadn't of wooded up the windows! (Sean starts chasing her)
SEAN
Hey you give that back and get out of my studio!
HANNAH
This is not your studio! And maybe you can't fire me but as sure as my brothers armpit hairs stink I can fire you!
LOLA
Fire you!
SEAN
Oh really. And what are you planning to do at the grammies?
HANNAH
I'll string something together.
LOLA
Yes we will!
HANNAH
So listen. You better just hammertime your butt of here.
SEAN
Fine but you going to miss this! (Sean moves out in style as Hannah chases him out the door)
LOLA
Hannah! The strings!
HANNAH
Eeep!
The strings abruptly pull Hannah back into the studio room.
***
Back in the studio room Sean is attached to the strings with Robby and Lola controlling him at the desk.
SEAN
Oh come on! Is this really necessary!
ROBBY
I don't care if you did save my life! Nobody messes with my little girl! Nobody! (he makes Sean do some more bizarre moves) Oh now! Hop bunny! Hop!
LOLA
My turn!
ROBBY
OK but don't hog it! (hands Lola the controls)
LOLA
Now drop and give me twenty!
ROBBY
Yeah doggies!
SEAN
Oh now come on! That's not right!
Hannah Montana © to the Walt Disney Company. This blog does not claim ownership of the reproduced transcripts provided on this blog.
1 comment:
Thanks for this! This was probably my favorite scene in the whole series! Hannah Montana being pulled around like a floppy puppet on a string was absolutely fitting and hilarious! Hahahaha! 😆
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